Life Leadership Lessons

By: Paul de Jong.

The main difference I have come to discover between achievers and non-achievers, is the ability to understand and learn the everyday life lessons that are presented to us. I grew up thinking that one day I was going to catch “the formula” and from that point everything was going to work for me, but as I am sure you are aware and I have since come to discover, life and leadership are not like that. Instead, if we want to lead well we must commit to a future of consistently growing and learning. In fact I believe that life’s greatest lessons are often what we learn through our own mistakes.

What follows are some leadership lessons I have pick up on my journey to this point and I hope they will also help you grow in your leadership development.

LESSON ONE- Failure is a certainty

During my upbringing I can never remember being taught that failure was a quality to seek after. Somehow I gained the impression and was taught that if we were really surrendered to God we would do everything right. When I now look back, I see that it was crazy and brought such a level of restriction when we expected that the right way forward was failure proof. Why did I think that failure was something to be feared?

We don’t call a toddler a failure when they fall over repeatedly as they learn to walk. Why do we call ourselves or anyone else a failure when they are really trying to learn, stepping out into areas never yet walked before? We shout encouragement to the toddler who takes a step and falls, whose failure is the key to getting up and trying harder. Yet as leaders when we don’t succeed we still shout failure at ourselves!

If we do not learn that failure is part of the leadership package, I do not think we will fulfil all that God has called us to do. If all we commit to do is within the security of what we know we can achieve how will we reach for the impossible? God calls us to a life that exists beyond our comfort zone and as leaders we must continue to access levels we have never been before. It is precisely here that we discover God! Paul, the apostle put it this way:

“God said to me , “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me… For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

When we read this passage, we discover that Paul had learnt to speak about and in fact boast in his failure and weakness. He understood the breakthrough power of a life constantly dependent on God and not on his own ability. Our problem is that if we only focus on success, we will limit our future and reduce our sense of dependence on God.

Let me rephrase what Paul was saying “I used to talk about all of my successes but now I am happy to talk about my failures as well because they keep me in this place of God dependence, and that is where miracles of breakthrough are found”

This is a big lesson particularly when it comes to leadership as for some weird reason we think leaders shouldn’t fail and so we don’t like to talk failure rather than discovering failure is where we discover Gods unlimited source of supply.

It is true that we don’t set out to fail for failure sake, but understand that if we are not failing we are most likely living within the predicable and safe. I ask my staff from time to time, “what have you tried that has gone wrong in the last 6 months?” If nothing has gone wrong then you are only living within what you know you can do.

The fact is failure is part of breaking new ground.

When I go to the gym to exercise my body I have come to realise that building strength is all about pushing yourself to muscle failure. Let me explain, my coach gives me weight lifting exercises to increase muscle strength. The exercise depends on doing a certain number of repetitions until the muscle can no longer move, this point of failure is where growth takes place. The muscle must fail, it must be stretched and torn in order for the muscle to grow. It hurts, but the next time I come to do that exercise or activity, I am stronger. So it is in spiritual growth, if we only work within the safe boundaries because we fear pain, hurt or failure we will not grow. Often in our ministries we complain to God asking Him why He isn’t doing anything! I suspect God often responds with these kinds of words, “well you haven’t got out of your boat for a while have you?” “But what if I sink?” we say. The truth is you won’t know until you step out, and when (not if) you do start to sink, remember who is there once you start to go under? Let me put it another way, how much more would we do if we didn’t fear failure but in fact embraced it?

Over the years I have had to change my mindset about failure. I am learning to make failure a friend as it will cause me to step out and stay God dependent.

The key of course is not to repeatedly keep making the same mistakes with is often an outcome of not being prepared to learn.

“Fear of failure is one of our greatest failures”

LESSON TWO- There are no long-term shortcuts

As humans we are always looking for the quick fix solution to the challenges we face but for harvest there must be seed. We may understand this great biblical principle but many are yet to discover that we also carry the responsibility of ensuring the soil which the seed is placed in is fertile. I meet many pastors who are frustrated by what is not happening and even though they are planting seed there seems to be little harvest. I often remind them of this thought that if they are doing the right job and working the right principles with a right heart and still not seeing a lot of fruit, it is often a matter of timing and often the challenge is the soil in which the seed is being planted.

For many, our role as leaders is to break up the ground and get it ready for the seed to be sown that will bring the breakthrough. Whilst our church is reaping benefits today and seeing things we have never seen before, I am very aware we are reaping because others have done the hard work over the years, not just the sowing but also getting and keeping the right environment. The danger for the next generation church and the one after that, is for them to think it just happens, not understanding that everything is the result of some thing.

It is true we need to sow but equally true that the greatest challenge is in the consistent maintenance of the right kind of soil and environment for a seed to produce its best.

One of the major mistakes I made earlier when appointing leaders was that I thought passion was enough, but I have come to realise that Godly character is the key ingredient for long term harvest. You cannot shortcut character.

“The seeds we plant today we harvest tomorrow”

LESSON THREE- I cannot take everyone with me

When I started in full time service in Church life I had such a huge pastoral heart and was desperate for everyone to join me in Gods best. I wanted to love everyone and have everyone love me and the ultimate dream was we would dance together into heaven for eternity. But I very quickly discovered that leading means not everyone is going to like you, nor do they all want to come with you!

Worldwide statistics say 10% of any congregation leave a healthy church every year. Why? People make decisions; they leave because they are disgruntled, hurt, moving town, changing jobs, backsliding, just not interested… Sometimes even those into whom you have invested the most in will leave for reasons you never even get to understand.

John Maxwell likens the church to a train. The leader knows and is committed to the destination; everyone is excited and momentum is building as many join in by getting on the train. They shake your hand and ask where the meal carriage is and of they go to eat. They can’t believe how good it all is, tummies full and happy smiles everywhere. You arrive at the next stop and more people get on but then people start to get off! “Where are they going?” you ask. You get off the train pleading with them to stay but they say “thanks, but we want to go somewhere else, nice ride but…”

Maxwell goes on to say, the key is to realise that many people are not there for the destination but a number are there for what they can get. Ouch!

Unfortunately we are all like this to some degree. We often only commit to things on the premise that we get from something from it. Hopefully as we grow in God we begin to realise it is not just what we get but what we bring to it. As a leader I have had to settle the issue that not everyone is going to come with us to the destination.

If we don’t understand this I will struggle to let people go and end up chasing them all over the place and lose the focus needed on the God-given mission.

In the parable of the lost sheep, the shepherd leaves the 99 to look for the lost one. A sheep gets lost when it does not know where it is going. As shepherds/leaders it is our responsibility to go after those who do not know where they are going, but it is another matter when sheep wander off because they have chosen to go another way. Too often we can burn out trying to run after those who have chosen not to come. I used to do this all the time and if I heard someone had left I would say, if I could just spend half an hour with them they would stayed. And often they did, but then next month I would need to spend half an hour with them again, and again, and again. What began to happen was all my time was spent looking after those who did not want to be there instead of leading those who did. In Acts, the New Testament church was characterised by three simple words “they devoted themselves”(Acts 2:42)

In other words the people made a decision to commit themselves and we cannot make that decision on behalf of any other human being. Only the sheep in the paddock are my responsibility not the ones who choose to wander away.

“I can only father who choose to be my sons”

LESSON FOUR- Greater levels of breakthrough demand greater levels of personal discipline

We often ask God to give us breakthrough in an area, but I don’t think God gives us what we ask if we don’t have the level of needed personal discipline in place to sustain what we desire. For example, you may be asking God to increase your business to a multi-million dollar business. But the question must be answered, can God trust you with a multi-million business? Money and the options and snares that it produces could easily destroy you if you do not have the personal disciplines in place to handle it. The truth is that success has destroyed many if we don’t grow the needed character to handle it.

When it comes to leadership one of the top of the pile requirements is the ability to lead yourself. It has been said, talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates – you don’t know which direction it will go! You maybe gifted, but if you don’t have increasing discipline your gift has the power to destroy. As a leader I have had to learn to say no to myself more now than I ever did before. Discipline is a major part of personal leadership, remember it is our priorities that are caught by others. People are not listening to us as much as they are watching how we live.

“Our first responsibility is to lead ourselves”

LESSON FIVE- What I live next to, I become

The environment that I locate myself in most often in ends up shaping me. This lesson so many of us over look and I certainly didn’t understand its power early on in my leadership. To sharpen my leadership I must make a decision to get with people who are on the cutting edge, who are making things happen, who are positive and constantly seeking ways to become more fruitful. I get alongside them and purposefully catch their spirit. I also make a determined decision not to associate with people whether leaders or not who are not committed to build in word, attitude and action.

I used to think I had to be friends with everyone but once understanding that no matter who we are our environment shapes us, I can say that even though we should seek to reach out and help anyone we should not fellowship with those who are negative, small minded or cynical.

In fact I have walked away from numbers of people that used to be friends because they were unprepared to change their attitudes and I can now no longer afford their influence in my life. This may sound as though I am too good for them which is not true but what you live next to remember you become.

Psalm One puts it so well, “ Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful ”

Let me tell you from experience a cynical spirit, a scornful person will cripple and damage your own spirit. Who you associate with determines the level of fruit in your future. What you rub up against rubs off onto you. This works both in the negative and also in the positive. If I want to capture a big vision, I must be found in the context of vision and visionaries. Be encouraged to make daily decisions to dwell in environments that encourage, impart and expand your spirit and vision.

“Where we stand determines how we see”

LESSON SIX- It is not what is on you, but what is in you

As I wrap up let me finish with this final lesson, which is the need to remember it is not the gift we have been gifted with that is most important. But a leader of eternal significance understands, it is what you carry in your heart that will always remain as the most important focus.

Often I have been reminded of this, when someone who is not necessarily highly talented or gifted has ministered deeply to me through what has come from who they are over what they have accomplished.

A truly champion leader understands it is not what is on you but it is what is in you. Above all else guard your heart, the Bible says, for out of the heart the boundaries or borders of our lives are determined. Make sure you keep your own heart sweet, stay connected with God, live fresh, be committed to growth and guard the good deposit God has given you. In this way your ability to influence cannot help but increase and God will continue to get the glory.

“Our outer world ultimately reflects our inner condition”